たらりらってぃら~
今日ゎ・
ごーるでんぅぃーく最後の日とぃぅことで-
ぉ友達とゲーセンにぃてきました〓
メダルゲームやったり-
DMゃったりしたぁw
※注(DM=どらむまにぁ)
まぁ楽しかったさww
電車代が糞たかかったけどなぁ・
片道350円!
・・・新宿いくより高ぃ〓(ぁ、とぅきょぅの話ねw
JRゎなんて高ぃんだ><
・・・そして家に帰る電車でのできごと・
サイフみてたら・・
ぁることにきがついた・
・・・・・・
ぃ-ぁみゅぅずめんとぱすが無ぃ!
※注(ぃ-ぁみゅぅずめんとぱす=DMのデータを保存するICチップ内臓のカード)
・・ゲーセンで落としたぽ・
orz
でも・
僕ゎネットでカードの情報を登録してたのでー
新しい新規カードを買ぅと・
データーの引継ぎができちゃぅんですw
らっきぃーw★☆
ゃったね^^
ながったらしくなりましたが-
今日ゎこの辺で・
ごーるでんぅぃーく最後の日とぃぅことで-
ぉ友達とゲーセンにぃてきました〓
メダルゲームやったり-
DMゃったりしたぁw
※注(DM=どらむまにぁ)
まぁ楽しかったさww
電車代が糞たかかったけどなぁ・
片道350円!
・・・新宿いくより高ぃ〓(ぁ、とぅきょぅの話ねw
JRゎなんて高ぃんだ><
・・・そして家に帰る電車でのできごと・
サイフみてたら・・
ぁることにきがついた・
・・・・・・
ぃ-ぁみゅぅずめんとぱすが無ぃ!
※注(ぃ-ぁみゅぅずめんとぱす=DMのデータを保存するICチップ内臓のカード)
・・ゲーセンで落としたぽ・
orz
でも・
僕ゎネットでカードの情報を登録してたのでー
新しい新規カードを買ぅと・
データーの引継ぎができちゃぅんですw
らっきぃーw★☆
ゃったね^^
ながったらしくなりましたが-
今日ゎこの辺で・
by himazin555 | 2008-05-06 22:43 | Trackback | Comments(1270)
やったね!!!!!!11111111
やったょ^^
はやく更新しやがれ
コノヤロー
コノヤロー
やほノ オフィサ
↓修学旅行とかwwいーなぁ
俺はまだ2年後だwwwww
待ちどぉしぃなぁぁ
↓修学旅行とかwwいーなぁ
俺はまだ2年後だwwwww
待ちどぉしぃなぁぁ
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
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Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Why don't you write books people can read?
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
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I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
I am not young enough to know everything.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Why don't you write books people can read?
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
The truth is more important than the facts.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
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